" I am not a follower because I wanted to be affiliated with some type of religion. I am a follower of Christ because LOVE seems to be the only way that really works."
I was exhausted trying to live a life directed by that dark spirit of hate that I had placed myself under.
"I was literally dying to become myself."
While on the street it was always pay back therefore how could we arrive here in this state of Grace we now find ourselves. Someone had to "pay back" all the damage I had done through my alcohol and drug induced behavior. I know one thing for sure.. It wasn’t me! In all of history there is only one that loved beyond human capacity, performed miracles and rose from the dead in order to show us we can have that joy of everlasting bliss if we but choose correctly. By Christ's work and death on the cross we are afforded the undeserved divine influx of Grace that we all discover after the third, fifth and ninth step.
We are spiritual beings. I believe these days after many years in the program, that WE ( the people in recovery ) have an even stronger affinity to the spiritual. That darkness took us all to where we were not even who we were anymore. Many of us went to the edge of death, even beyond. Countless died and some more than once... brought back from the dead! We were all doing things we would never do in our “ Right Minds “. Spirit led first and foremost always and forever by our free will choice given to us by our true loving God. Proving in itself that we are born of a God of Love.
Drinking and drugging was for all of us the door into the dark side. Now, being in the light, we are all again “in deed” being led deeper to that new spiritual neighborhood we have chosen. As they say, a sick mind cannot heal itself. We must act our way into right thinking and only the truth will set us free. We can change a little each day by being willing to meet with small groups seeking the truth as their lives depended on it. Let us overcome the lie that was killing us all. Holy blessed recovery a true gift of the Almighty.. a back door if you will.
Coming in from that life of addiction we were overwhelmed with the shame and guilt from our behaviors under that influence. If you really think on it, we had actually become "satin's" agents. We understand this not by what we know, but by what we were doing and what we had done. The proof is in the past! Our lives were a mess.... after all, why would anyone be willing to come into the rooms of recovery? Only because we finally realized that our way, the way of the world we selected, does not work in bringing real joy into the life of a human being. We had to surrender to the truth or die. Roman's twelve says it all.
Most of us seem to be of the educational variety and we all have have trust issues. Our biggest problem with Christianity was of course other christians who much like us did not understand. Along the way one of them had pushed that old condemnation message down our throats. WRONG! Christ himself said “ I did not come to condemn but to fulfill ”. When we finally make that 180, rather than condemned as we were before, we are now headed to true fulfillment by a life of divine grace supplied by the work of Christ on the cross of Calvary. Over time, as we surrender to his will and begin to do the "RIGHT" thing, we will receive because of our actions and heart self change what we need instead of a life of what we wanted. We do this in order to find our true happy destiny here on earth. We become comfortable in our own skin by becoming natural ( Quit becoming anything but ourselves through drugs and alcohol use ).. over time, if we continue honestly in the program, through the revelation of Almighty God, we become in mind and body in-deed super natural. Blessed peace returns and then after the 9th step when we forgive others, the promises will begin to occur. Remembering His words.. " Forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive Others" So simple, but not easy for we must do the work to receive the forgiveness that we so desparately need.
The reward... nothing less than a life beyond our wildest dreams.
I remember early in recovery seeing the words "self actualize" in the Big Book and thinking " That's what I need to do ". The truth... it's not done by me, but by Him. Not by my works, but by surrendering to his will and humbly going about the work of recovery honestly. Sharing our cross with others as He shares His cross with us.