Pain Meds Only Do So Much

Lord Help Me Get Through This...



I'm through, I'll just add the residual pain onto being old and take it from there.

A little lonely 

Well I’m here tonight, blood number’s better, thank.  God, but still with pain. Stopping Gabapentin over the next few days but back on oral chemo. Trying to take less pills and just gut it out. They are always tight on pain meds. Those went away a while back. The good news is, went to the gym today and had a good workout!

Tonight the wife’s out and it’s lonely here. So glad I have a God loving woman who is for me. Don’t think I would be here today if not for her. Our live’s, especially mine, have been reduced to a smaller world. Travel has become harder but, still try to get out to speak to others trapped in addiction, so important!. This Saturday, I have an opportunity to share, but it’s a two hour drive up and two hours back. Didn’t seem like too much before, but it kinda does now. We’ll see how it goes with God’s help. Please keep me in prayer. That’s what really gets me through these days.

Another Day 

Another day above ground and thank God not in a hospital! It’s weird being old and waiting on blood numbers to improve. They may or they may not, depending on what God has in store for me. This is definitely a God thing. Improving specific nuances in my blood to allow me to be with others without infection. How do I do that? I do not. I just try an rest and do what the doctor orders. 

I'’m sick of taking pills and supplements but, that’s what I gotta do. Don’t know what else I can do. Life goes on with or without me but at this stage of the game I would rather have it go on with me! 


Home is where the heart is. My blessed wife. Always looking out for me. Helping me with all things. I am so grateful for her and God putting us together. 

I end up married to a loving cancer nurse. How does that happen? Easy, God did for rme what I could not do for myself. Yes siree, seeking truth and doing the next right thing brings amazing results.


Got back last night from the health center. Went to see what condition my condition was in. 

I’ll give ya the good new first. 

The cancer is healing up nicely and the shingles, I hope, are getting better… Thank You Jesus! 

The not so good news 

My numbers are not good. The doc says I need to hole up. Can’t see anyone! Said “If you get sick your body can’t fight it and you can get infected very easily” She said, “if you get a fever it would be an emergency and you would need to go straight to the hospital” Wow!

So… I stay home and guess what? I have another prescription to take… Shazammm. That brings my current prescriptions to six with the supplements and vitamins all totaled about 20 pills a day. May not sound like much to you but I don’t care much for taking anything. I remember those days but, I guess their gone. 

I best start trying to eat better too and no dang sugar! I was gonna try and crank up the gym when I got back, now that’s on hold again, along with everything else. I guess I best start walking the neighborhood.

Old age.. Who ME! 

Well, I’m a trucking along here with my slow progress. Thinking of how all of these health issues are starting to affect my life. Don’t think I can take on many new stressful responsibilities, other than trying to manage my own affairs. 

Energy levels sure ain’t what they use to be. Like they say, my get up go, got up and went. Not taking a nap anymore, but probably should. 

Concerned about pain. Wondering will it go away within the five weeks, or is it developing into a chronic condition. With low immunity from serious cancer treatment, fighting Leukemia and old age that may become a long term problem. 

I’m starting to noice that the medications they give me seem to have endless refills, so my prescription pill collection is growing. I wonder really how I’m doing? I feel I am getting great heath care with the professional I am working with. I make my appointments and do what they say. I guess this is where someone sez,“Ya know Jake, Old age ain’t for sissys.”

SKI? Are you crazy! 

Pain’s back pretty strong this morning. Taking a bit more pain med to see if it can cut the mustard. This medication they given me does not seem to get the job done but, we’ll let you know in thirty. 

I’m becoming an old man these days, and if I don’t do something to stop it, it’s gonna happen. What it’s a gonna take is getting my butt to the gym daily no matter how busy I think I am or, how bad I feel. Exercise is the name of the game for holistic heath, and I better get there while I still can! 

I have a good friend who has been through some of what I have and other that I have not. Some days when I see him, it looks as if he could not do the gym. That’s gonna be me, if I don’t get off my duff and get moving…. Scary thing is, it might be me already, but I need to go to find out.

Steroids, pain meds, nerve drugs, oral chemo, after a while this stuff wears on you. What’s a person to do? The chemo drug is keeping me alive.. better not stop that one. This is the way it is. It’s like the header sez “Change Your Mind,” ask God for help, and act as if. 

I’ll set a goal. 

I’m going to ski this season! 

Somehow, someway I’m gonna ski. Two of my seventeen grandchildren are here today wanting to get out on the slopes but, today I can only watch cause don’t think its a good idea for a seventy year old man to ski on pain meds.


FYI pain meds are helping…thank God

Rough Night 

Good Morning Everyone

Was not so good about fifteen minutes ago! Last night about three, I had what they call a night sweat. You wake up from a dead sleep in a pool of sweat. Have to change your clothes then lay back down in wet cold sheets. That’s the cancer talking to me. Later at four, I experienced severe leg cramps, so I’ll probably walk with a limp today….nice. The shingle pain was back strong this morning about five and until I took all my pills and the pain meds, things were rough…. Better now… whew. I don’t know what folks do without pain medication, suffer I guess, tough. The medical community is pretty slow on given these things out too. I get that, but not fun getting caught in the middle with pain and no meds or not enough, which is often the case.

Sitting here now at six in the silence, with the Lord, in the moonlight, with a fire and a hot cup of coffee. It doesn’t get any better than that for me. It’s gotten cold today. I think winter weather is finally here in the mountains. Bummer, I was hoping to ski and was working steady at the gym to strengthen  myself so that I could try it when the Shingles hit. I have lost what I had gained, so it's start over time again. Maybe I can get it back before the season over….maybe?

Another Blessed Day 

Didn’t realize I had creating such the right image for this, my current illness…

My wife is starting to become afraid that the pain meds will run out and we won’t be able to get any more. I, on the other hand, am praying for a cure from this pain but, as I read about it all, it seems many are plagued with pain after Shingles. Especially at my age and condition. YIKES! What to do? Same old, same old.. Pray and ask for guidence and direction. The Lord will provide He always has, He always will, for He is faithful. For over seventy years He has provided perfectly. 


Christmas Day!  

Grateful today we have peace in our land.

Lord I pray be with all those who have such hard difficulties today. Lord I pray for all those suffering from war. Help me always to remember just how blessed I am. Help me Lord to be kind and generous. I pray against those dark forces of evil that promote distrust and war around the world. Send your angel armies Lord to defeat them at every turn.  All power and glory is yours almighty Father forever and ever.

Lord forgive us, Lord be with us.