Losing Interest?

This is a question I see on many forms that I am instructed to fill out these days. “Am I losing interest in life?” or the things that use to interest me. I don’t really feel this is a fair ask right now…

 “Why do I think I am losing interest?” might be a better way to put it. 

Lets think about this. Am I losing interest because:

  1. I have been tied down and bombarded with radiation from a linear accelerator five days a week for the past five weeks, taking the energy from my life and destroying my ability to speak.

     2. Nurses have been regularly been injecting the chemo agent Cisplatin into me dressed in hazmat suits               that among other downfalls has destroyed my ability to taste.

     3.  Taking a daily regimen of drugs that literally knock the crap out of me and add other unwanted side effects.

      4. Or could it be the narcotic pain relievers.

          Gee. I wonder.. 

Yes I am losing interest, but not because I am. I am losing interest only because of what I have had to and will continue to endure. 

I want you to know I am not complaining, for I am blessed to be able to receive this treatment. I elected this treatment. It’s just that I felt the question unfair, as if I need some kind of head drug to fix me because I have lost interest in living. What a bunch of baloney. I pray that I will be able to get my interest back as I …

  1. Quit getting tied down and bombarded from a linear accelerator and get back to the gym.

     2. Quit being injecting with the chemo agent Cisplatin regain my taste and start enjoying healthy foods again.

      3.  Quit taking drugs everyday that literally knock the crap out of me with other unwanted side effects.

       4. Quit narcotic pain relievers.

Coming back to square one will be a process for me  as it is for all of us here and not an easy one I might add. I hope my old body has not forgotten, that I still want it to do the things it was doing for me before I got here. 

I will need to go slow and be patient with myself building back. For this process of building back will take time just as the tearing down process did. Anyway… thanks for reading! I just felt that question needed a bit of clarification at this stage of the game.