I often tell people the last thing you will lose in addiction is yourself. It just happens probably as a result of all the lying and brain fog. Finding yourself after all your abuse takes time as with everything in recovery. I mean the name itself, after all, what is it we are recovering. It cannot be rushed, you must allow yourself to clear up and establish new healthy patterns in your life. Ninety meetings in ninety days was set up for it takes ninety times to develop a new habit. Once we come onto the path and get on the beam. We can start to make some headway.
If you can remember your life prior to picking up your first drug or drink I think that is a good place to start. Do a review of what it was like then. What were you like? What did you enjoy doing? What type of friends did you have? I think this can get you started in finding out who you really are. Addiction always wants to paint it all black. It tells you.. “what’s the use you can’t do anything anyway, why try, isolate and stay trapped in a tiny life, because your not going anywhere anyway.” What a lie! We all hear that voice, but that is from the dark side and has nothing to do with your reality today.
Although you may be broke and feel like you no place to turn, that is not true either. After you complete the steps and have made your amends many people will receive you once again perhaps a bit cautiously, but they will. For no one hated you, they only hated the way you were under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Now that you are freed from that bondage people will start responding to you in new and positive ways. Ways that would have never been possible under the influence.
Don’t be afraid to try new things. You may just find out that you are good at them. Be sure and try the things you enjoyed before addiction for they are still within you and can always be nurtured with at little practice or additional education. Above all have some fun. Now that you don’t spend every dime you have on your habit, go out!Go to the movies, bowling, skydiving, dancing whatever flips your switch as long as it has nothing to do with the old ways. You are wondrous creation of Almighty God. Let yourself become that once again for He would have it no other way.