"Songs"  Links Interspaced Throughout Testimony                                      


” I am not a follower because I wanted to be religious, I am a follower of Jesus because there is only one TRUTH, thus only one way that works." I was exhausted trying to live a life directed by that dark spirit of hate that I had placed myself under. "I was literally dying to become myself.

While on the street it was always pay back, therefore, how could I ever arrive here in this state of Grace where I now find myself. Someone had to "pay back" all the damage I had done through my alcohol and drug induced behavior. I know one thing for sure.. It wasn’t me! In all of history there is only one that loved beyond human capacity, performed miracles and rose from the dead. Simply to show us we too can have that joy of everlasting bliss if we but choose correctly. By Christ's death on the cross, we are afforded the undeserved divine influx of Grace that we can discover after the third, fifth and ninth steps or whenever we become willing to open up our hearts.

We are spiritual beings. I believe these days, after many years in the program, that WE ( the people in recovery ) have an a strong affinity with the spiritual. That darkness took us all to whom we were not. Many of us went to the edge of death and even beyond. Countless died, some more than once, many now brought back from the dead. We were all doing things we would never do in our “ Right Minds “. Spirit led first and foremost always and forever by our free will choices. That free will choice given to us, in itself,  proves that we are born of a God of Love.

Drinking and drugging was for all of us, a gateway into the dark side. Now, being in the light, we are all again “ in deed ” being led deeper into that new spiritual neighborhood.  As they say, a sick mind cannot heal itself. " WE " must act our way into right thinking and only the truth will set us free. " WE "  can change a little each day by being willing to meet with small groups. Seeking the truth as our real lives depend on it. Let us overcome the lie that was killing us all. Recovery with its Christian biblical principles outlined so simply as a helpful path to follow until the revelation of Jesus Christ occurs. God for dummies if you will.

Suddenly we find, God is doing for us what we could never do for ourselves. Freedom and liberty in a life with Christ undeserved, but fully realized beyond your wildest dreams.

Coming in from that life of addiction I was overwhelmed with shame and guilt from my behavior under that influence. If you really think on it, we had actually become "satan's" agents. We understand this not by what we know, but by what we were doing and what we had done.  The proof is in the past!  Our lives were a mess.... after all, why would anyone be willing to come into the rooms of recovery? Only because we finally realized that our way, the way of the world, does not work to bring real joy into the life of any human being. Finally broken we had to surrender to the truth or die. Roman's twelve says it all…

ROMANS 12:2 NLT " Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

“ Its all about the alinment of the will ”

Burning bushes was not my thing. As stubborn as a donkey mule, I was of the educational variety. We all have trust issues. My biggest problem with Christianity was of course other christians, who much like me did not understand correctly. for Christ himself said

He came, not to judge the world, but to save it.” 

Save it from what?

I could name a million things but it all boils down to jails institutions and death. When I finally make that 180, rather than condemned as I was before, now I was headed to true fulfillment by a life of divine Grace supplied by the work of Christ on the cross at Calvary. Over time, with the help of His blessed revelation, as we surrender to his will and begin to do the "RIGHT" thing, we will receive what we need, instead of a life of what we wanted. God as our loving Father does this in order for us to find our true happy destiny here on earth. We become comfortable in our own skin by becoming natural ( Rather than becoming anything but ourselves through using drugs and alcohol ).. over time, if we persevere honestly in the program, through the revelation of Almighty God, we become in mind and body in-deed super natural. Blessed peace returns and then after the 9th step or " Cleaning House " we forgive others, the promises will begin to occur. Remembering His words…

MAT 6:12 NMB "Forgive us our trespasses, AS we forgive them that trespass against us “

Making amends must be accomplished to receive the reward... true forgiveness brings nothing less than a true shot at fulfillment.

I remember early in recovery seeing the words " self actualize "  in the Big Book and thinking to myself " That's what I need to do ". The truth... it's not done by me, but by Him. Not by my works, but by His. I needed to just surrender to His will and humbly go about the work of recovery, sharing our crosses honestly and humbly with others just as He shares His cross with us.

My goal now…

Coming to know the knowledge and love of Christ in me and freely giving it away.

Thank You Lord for your Amazing Grace.