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These days, thats just how things have been. With age comes difficulty. As they say, getting old ain’t for sissys. I had had a great thing going last week, off to the gym for five days straight and then this hits me. In the dang hospital for some blamed, butt kicking, infection that I got because of low immunity from cancer. 

I’m thankful however, that the hospital is here. I am also hoping my insurance pulls through, because anything medical these days, is getting down right pricey.

Yes, life goes on. I just need remember how blessed my life has been since God’s loving Grace led me to recovery. After such a long time in the program, I know that things are always getting better with me even when in my mind, it may seem like they are not. So people, onward and upward to our mansions in the sky!

You bet "WE" are, but before, alone I was headed nowhere. Failing in all areas of my life. Irresponsible, driven by self will and unable to even love myself, what could I have to give? Today however, is a different story. 

Having done the work, I have received the benefits and a wonderful new realized faith in God. Everyday I am becoming more and more of who God wants me to become. Anxiety has been greatly diminished and a balanced self love has returned. No longer inebriated, I am not making the obvious blunders I use to. The promises have all become true in my life, Amazed, I suppose that means I‘m halfway through. 

What has happened in my life, is that I have now accepted the natural order of things. This is life not death. I am not in charge. I cannot control things I cannot change. I have come from that dark spiritual neighborhood of hate and bondage into the divine light of love and freedom and as we all know light dispels darkness! 

By God’s Grace and the fellowship, seeking truth has become my blessed lifestyle. I understand and accept the fact that I will make mistakes for the rest of my human existence, but, by God’s Grace and Direction not the gross errors in living that I had made before. Yes indeed, more has certainly been revealed and I know there is far more available to me if I stay the way. So undeserving yet today so very, very grateful.

Well that may be a bit strong but, it is remarkable that AA  for nearly ninety years has continued as as it has without much of a power struggle. I pray that continues, for if it does not, it’s likely the whole society would die. 

To bring this down to our level, it’s all about the personalities within the meetings. I know speaking for myself, when someone begins to dominate a meeting, I can feel my feathers getting ruffled. However, these days, I have been taught, it’s so important for me to make sure I’m not the one ruffling feathers at the meeting! I don’t want to be part of the problem today I want to be part of the solution. A PART… of the solution.. God help me, not THE solution! 

A gal on the meeting today said it best… 

“We are all only human, so we just make the circle a little larger to include the new man or woman.” Seems simple but, not easy. Thank goodness we have but one ultimate authority.

For an addict alcoholic, the benefits of recovery groups are staggering. One of the greatest gifts we receive is a knowledge of the dis-ease that we experience. Its really important to understand what you are up against. As they say “ Cunning Baffling Powerful “ from experience, I can tell you, “You better believe it! “

All your questions can be answered in group IF you ask. 

Don’t be afraid to ask what you may believe to be a stupid question, we all have. It’s critical that you gain a through understanding of your dilemma. Yes, it appears to be a life long illness that can take you out anytime IF, you decide to pick up again. However, It is also an amazing solution to finding your true self and your divine purpose for living. Remember, you can’t do this alone! So, keep coming back cause ‘WE” need your input and experience strength and hope to help complete our groups.

At the meeting last night a gentleman was talking about his sales career. He said his manager asked him, when he came to work at the company, if he preferred being directed in sales with the stick or the carrot.

Man… do I remember the stick in addiction. 

Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results but, getting the same thing every night.. the STICK! After twenty flipping years, bozo here, had had enough of that, but how could I make the change?

STOP DRINKING DUMMY AND GET HELP!

That’s when you guys showed up. I was the one that had always brought on the stick by my behavior under the influence but, the carrot, unbeknownst to me, was something that was to materialized over time. I just has to stop drinking and or drugging and work the steps in order to heal up my broken past. 

I’m telling you, it was just that simple. Simple but not easy, but worth far more than any effort I put forth. The following statement I know is true, only because I have remained sober for nearly forty years…

“It will ALWAYS materialize if WE work for it!”

I tell others, it’s freely..

Going places no one wants to go

Seeing people no one wants to see

and

Bringing a message few will hear

What can I say, the only reason anyone would do this “work” is because they are compelled by the Grace of God.  

How does it happen?

Beats me it just does. It’s like revelation, you just find yourself there. 

As strange as it may sound, it’s an ego-less proposition, for when the ego pops in the “work” pops out. It’s a paradox like so many things in this field. Like when I arrived at my first home group, I thought.. What can these people possible have for me? They saved my life! It’s like the same with the “work”. The results can only materialize over time, if you stay with it. 

Let’s ask me some questions…

What is the result? 

Don’t know. 

How is the result? 

Amazing, mysterious, emotional and wonderful. 

Is it worth it?

Only to me

Do you prepare for it?

No

Are the songs difficult to develop and produce?

No, they just come one after another and each single inspiration turns into a finished work for the most part.

How do you explain it?

I don’t

Is it expensive?

From a world standpoint… very, yet God provides

Where does the song inspiration come from?

I believe it’s a expression of God Grace through others sharing within groups of people.

I suppose I could go on and on but I don’t think it would make and difference because it's not even me, so how can I even explain it. It’s like “Materialized Spirituality”  In Him, with Him and through Him in unity with the Holy Spirit. 

F.Y.I.  I’m not holy, I don’t deserve it and anyone can do this IF they will.

It’s a bit like going back to school. There was so much I missed about living. Many of us had bad teachers or none at all. All, so isolated in our addictions. As I heard it said many times in the rooms “I’m not a joiner”. Early sponsors told me “You better join this, cause otherwise, your not gonna make it!” 

Ahh… that blessed gift of desperation. His rod and His staff, after all, a caring Father only corrects a child he loves. So, now we are here, in the classrooms of the broken hearted. People that would normally never mix, spilling there guts because they need to in order to live. For the new ones, it’s still all about them, and for the old ones, it’s still all about the new ones. How does that happen?

By Attending. That divine exercise of being present.

Over time, walking in those twelve steps of truth, we begin to understand the human condition as never before. As we grow by God’s loving Grace, more is revealed. 

I know this all sounds like fantasy because I felt the same way, but it’s true! I guess the only thing I can say is that it’s just one of those things that you have to do in order to understand. That’s why they always say at the end of a meeting “Keep Coming Back.” 

Believe it or not, if you have that spiritually malady that I do, finding yourself and your true life’s fulfilled adventure depends on it.

These words I am putting down here, often take time in sobriety to understand.

Since you have made the decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God, you have moved into a completely new spiritual neighborhood, from darkness into Light. Now, God can work with you but, only if you continue to let Him. 

As a child, if I ran out into the street my loving father would tell me not to do that. If I did it again I would most likely get a spanking. This is Love for someone who does not know any better. Under the influence of my addiction I did not know any better. I was inebriated and not interested in changing my crazy behavior. Over time, unbeknownst to me, my wild self-directed life was truly headed to jails, institutions or death. Finally, the consequences got so bad, that even a fool like me had to pay attention. 

Today I realize, that what I thought was the worse day of my life, was in reality, a Grace filled blessing of the highest magnitude. Why, because that day has brought me to this one. Now, I live a new wonder filled life of true adventure, serenity and divine purpose. 

You may ask.. “ How did you get there?” The answer. is I didn’t. I was directed though divine corrective action because I had finally chosen this way over that. Most times, I did not know what to do but, I damn sure knew what not to do. I did not like a lot of it but, here, I needed to see instead with a faithful heart. My new way, in His neighborhood, was all occurring in order to help me in my chosen God directed life to climb higher spiritually. 

In sobriety, I am not doing the crash and burn thing anymore as I was before. These days I usually don’t even really have a hand in the difficulty’s that come my way, other than my past. I have quit fighting and learned that acceptance IS the answer to all my problems. Acceptance of the Grace of God’s love and guidance in my daily life. He his guiding me with revelation to achieve my true happy destiny. An eternal life of Joy with Him!

Thank you Lord!

Through active alcoholism, Love falls away. The “Love damage” your addiction has caused, will depends on it’s severity, and time in grade. As a woman told me at my first meeting. “Keep coming back we will love you until you can love yourself.” Love is the only answer to true partnership with another human being, but years of addictive thinking don’t simply vanish overnight

In AA, time takes time. “Sometimes quickly sometimes slowly but it will ALWAYS materialize IF we work for it” Love will return, if we are willing to follow the way. We must make our way to a natural life. It’s like they say, there’s only one thing we need to change.. everything. Over time, with work,  we can even become super natural. Remember this,YOU can’t do it. “IT” is done in God’s time through His blessed Grace filled revelation and the WE of the fellowship. As my good friend Georgi use to say… “Be patient before you become one!”.

Will this really work for you? 

How many millions of people do you think have been saved from addiction by God Grace, through AA?

Friend.. your just not that special.

I don’t even know where to start with this one. I guess It  would be to admit that I didn’t even know I was in bondage… FOR YEARS! 

It was much more than that even…

How was I to achieve God’s purpose for my life when I had been running away from Love for so long? So much wasted time. I was so lost, I didn’t know I was! Freedom was a distant thing. Something that would require reality, clarity and honesty. Something that would required things I didn’t even know I needed to acquire!

Nothing but an act of God was going to be able to save me!